Why self-awareness is your leadership superpower

Self-awareness is a funny word. It’s one of those words at the moment that gets bandied around a lot as “management speak” and by coaches, but what does it really mean and how important is it?

Do you need to be self aware?

Self awareness is an extremely underrated quality. Have you ever heard someone say “he/she’s got no self awareness”? Having no concept of the impact that your behaviour or actions have on the people around you can be very damaging – especially if you’re the person in charge. If you’re a HR professional, you might notice that the majority of conflicts you are dealing with on a day-to-day basis are because someone has very little self awareness. 

How self aware are you?

Being aware or having a level of knowledge or experience sounds easy in principle but how does it work in practice? How do you become aware?

The human body is subjected to 11 million bits of information every second but the human brain can only process about 50 of those bits. Each person’s brain will select different bits to process and will only be able to recall a small proportion of those. So even if you put two people in the same situation their awareness of that situation would be different. The information they selected to recall, the feelings they recollect and their reactions would all be different and therefore, what they were aware of would be different.

The same is true when we talk about self-awareness. For starters our level of self awareness can be different depending on such factors as our age, experiences, perception, role models, confidence, knowledge and the amount of feedback we have received.

I’ve listened to lots of podcasts recently about success stories and awareness has been key to success. Self awareness often doesn’t happen in the moment but happens on reflection. Sometimes this comes through feedback from others and sometimes from self reflection. For many it only comes through working with a therapist or coach.

Self awareness takes time and practice. It isn’t a skill that’s acquired overnight. But when you do practise it, the benefits are wide and far reaching. It impacts all your relationships, both personal and professional.

Developing self awareness

It takes time to practise self-awareness in a way that is healthy. Becoming self aware doesn’t mean scrutinising your every word and action. It’s not about berating yourself or being judgemental or unkind. Self awareness is really about looking for opportunities to improve in the future. It’s about learning lessons from what could have gone better. Paying attention to what you are doing, how you are behaving, how that is impacting not just others, but also yourself. It’s giving yourself the gift of considering how you might behave differently in the same situation in the future. It is not an exercise in listing your failures.

Observe your behaviour or thoughts and decide whether they are helpful or unhelpful. If they are unhelpful you can then start to work on self-coaching, in terms of if you want to correct something or try a different approach.

For example: I was excited about a conversation with the rest of my team and had lots of ideas that I wanted to share. I noticed later that in my excitement I spoke over others and didn’t show respect to their ideas by not listening properly. I noticed they then did not listen to me. My reflection might be that this was not helpful for either me or my colleagues. Next time this happens what could I do differently? This could then lead into a coaching conversation about how I would tackle the situation if it happened again.

Another example of self-awareness is when you find yourself reflecting on times when your own behaviour has surprised you. Why did I react that way? Why does that person always annoy me? Why do I always procrastinate when I’m asked to do that particular job?

Understanding where we get our energy from and what motivates us can be a really powerful tool to help raise our self awareness.

Practical ways to raise self awareness

Feedback: 

This can be hard to hear. We generally don’t appreciate others pointing out our flaws but when feedback is provided in a helpful and productive way it can be a useful experience. It also helps you find those friendly critics you may need to support you whilst you develop.

Personality profiles:

There are some fantastically useful profiling tools available on the market. To get the most out of them you will need to work with someone who is accredited in delivering them and can help you understand the results. This is vital in understanding both the positives and the negatives. Personality profiles are not intended to be used as a tool to assign blame or for character assassination, which is why it is so important to work with someone who can help you understand how to use the tool properly. My personal favourites are Insights Discovery, Clarity4D and Lumina Sparks because they share the same underpinning psychology.

Keeping a journal:

Journaling can be a powerful way to do some self reflection. Capture what happened at specific times, writing down the facts of the situation and then elaborating with your reactions. Include the language used, how you felt and how others reacted. Take some time away from the journal before going back and re-reading your thoughts and feelings and consider what you may have learnt.

What next?

Sometimes it may be enough to notice what is happening in the moment or after it. Acknowledge the situation and take no further action. But there may be other times where you decide your behaviour was unhelpful and you want to explore what you do next. You may be experienced enough to work on your own to do this through research and learning. There are some great resources available for you to work on your self development.

Or you may prefer to work with someone. This could be a line manager, friend or it could be a more formal relationship with a coach. Coaches will explore the triggers or habits that lead to your unhelpful behaviour, will explore its history or triggers and also look at what new strategies you may want to try in order to create some new habits. 

Is there a downside to self awareness?

Can you be too self aware? If you are overly self critical then you might use your self awareness as another stick to beat yourself with. If you are an overthinker, will this constant self evaluation send you into overdrive? This is why it is often better to seek support from an expert. Having a “critical friend” who can give you an objective perspective. They will not only be able to help you seek areas for development but will also be able to put the brakes on when you are being too hard on yourself. Working with a coach can allow yourself to look at your strengths as well as areas for improvement.

There is no one size fits all formula for being a leader, leading others and remodelling desired behaviours. Developing self awareness is key to creating teams that work well together. Being able to spot patterns of negative behaviour in yourself and others is a key skill. Many of us have worked for or with people who have a “bull in a china shop” attitude to managing people. This approach is not helpful and it’s not productive when it comes to achieving the strategic goals of the business. Fostering supportive relationships within teams begins with the leader and the leader must role model the behaviours they want to see in others.